JP's Grieving

JP's ninang, who took care of him since birth up to five years old just died of brain cancer today.. since june of last year JP already knew that his ninang has a tumor in the brain but he found out that the doctor said that she only got 8 months to live on october.. since then he prepared for the death of his beloved inay although he's not loosing hope and still praying that God would grant his wish that i could meet his ninang and would even see our own children grow.. i would always listen to him when he's in the mood of reminscing his childhood days with his inay.. JP would tell me stories, like when his parents were already getting him from his inay, he would often hide, cry and refuse to go with them because he doesn't want to be away with her.. he spent his first five years with the lady that's why i can't blame him for not being so close to his parents.. and that's why i understand him for not telling them about our relationship unless the right time comes.. when he was already living with his family, he would wake up in the middle of the night crying and looking for his inay.. his father, feeling sorry for him, would bring him the next day to his inay and would fetch him before the sun sets.. and his mother feeling so annoyed and unloved by his son, would often beat him and would say bad words to her five year old kid.. for that experience from his mom, he confessed to me that he once wished that his ninang was his mother and not his biological mother..

back then, when we were in high school he felt very angry with his mom and his dad because he can really see that he was unloved by them.. they would always give favor to his elder sister and younger brother.. he is always the one to clean their house, the one to accompany his mother on the market, the one who cleans the bathroom and their car and the one who is always wrong.. while his sister and brother are the señorita and señorito.. he would always feel that he was left out from their family.. i know that up to this time there are still some of that anger even if he told me that he already forgave his parents for what they've done to him..before, i would often wonder why JP's super addict to computer games and would always grab the chance to out with his friends (also count me in), but when he told me those stories i understood him.. sometimes, i pity him for having a bad childhood but sometimes i also look up to him because despite that, he remained strong for himself..

let's go back to his inay.. yesterday, i was angry at him because for 3 days we were not chatting on the telephone because his cousin is staying there in cubao and they are always out.. we were also suppose to meet up yesterday but he told me that he was on the hospital with his ninang.. i think it was yesterday that JP spent time with his ninang until this afternoon.. i woke up early today, 8:10 to be exact and found a message from him on my cellphone.. i didn't reply to his messages until it was already 1pm.. he was starting to be annoyed with me so i decided to reply with a bad-mood-mode-message.. he was saying sorry but i'm not yet in the mood to forgive him.. his practice was over at 3pm and before going home, he played dota.. still i'm not in the mood.. then i received the bad news from him at 5pm.. he was already on his way to the hospital when i replied.. and i feeling guilty for being a stubborn girlfriend, said a sincere sorry to him..i didn't know what to do.. i wanted to go to him, to embrace him and to let him feel that there are still important people in his life that are alive and are ready to give him love and care.. but i can't do anything because i'm too far away from him.. i can't even call him because the damn line of sun cellular is not very clear in batangas.. i feel sorry for him for loosing his "almost mother" in the person of his ninang.. i know that he is really having a bad time right now and i've nothing to do to make him feel happy..

personally, i also feel sad because i didn't have the chance to meet her.. JP said that his inay would like me because i'm quiet and very feminine (JP's the one who told me this).. i even cried after talking with JP on the phone for 2 minutes.. he told me that he's okay and that he didn't have a hard time to accept it because he's prepared.. i cried because i know that JP's hiding the pain inside and his only trying to be strong and show me that he's fine.. it's like i'm JP's alter ego and i'm the one crying for him..i pray that his ninang sionee is already at peace at this time.. i promise her that i will take care of his Godchild and love him true..